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Déc 07

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Whatever had been driving us in the band wasn’t there like it had been before and so we came to the mutual conclusion that it had been great while it lasted and now it was time for the band to come to an end.I don’t think I’d ever felt more lost. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I had all this energy and passion and I wanted desperately to give myself to something that mattered, but I had no plan.I would walk around campus in a daze, muttering the same prayer over and over,Ugg bailey button which took the form of « Now what? »Do you know that feeling when you’re playing soccer and you lunge for the ball but you aren’t fast enough and the player on the other team has already kicked it quite hard and the ball travels with ferocious velocity and force into your groin region and you keel over, gasping for breath, your voice several octaves higher?

It was like the existential version of that.And then, things took a strange, beautiful turn.In the days and weeks following the band’s breakup, people I barely knew would stop me out of the blue and say things like, « Have you thought about being a pastor? » Friends I hadn’t talked to in months would contact me and say,Ugg bailey button « For some reason I think you’re going to be a pastor. »Me, a pastor? Seriously?The idea began to get a hold of me and it wouldn’t let go. A calling welled up within me, a direction, something I could give myself to.

I tell you this story about what happened to me 19 years ago because I assume you’re like me – really good at making plans and plotting and scheming and devising just how to make your life go how it’s « supposed » to go.We are masters of this. We know exactly how things are supposed to turn out.And then we suffer.Ugg bailey button There’s a disruption – death, disease, job loss, heartbreak, betrayal or bankruptcy.The tomorrow we were expecting disappears. And we have no other plan.Suffering is traumatic and awful and we get angry and we shake our fists at the heavens and we vent and rage and weep. But in the process we discover a new tomorrow, one we never would have imagined otherwise.